Jul 17 2008
A Look Bat–I Mean, “Back”
The Dark Knight will be released in a mere 23 hours, 42 minutes, and 13 seconds here in Phoenix, so it seems appropriate to take a look back at The Almighty One’s previous big screen debuts (with my enlightening commentary to let you know how to feel). We begin with. . .
Batman (1966)
The television series that lampooned Batman and Robin was adapted into the official first Batman movie. Though some may argue. . . Well, this wasn’t the Dark Knight we’re all used to, but one can’t help but enjoy Adam West’s almost-Shakespearean overacting and Burt Ward’s interpretation of Robin as a closet homosexual. It was nice to see all our favorite villains (The Joker, The Penguin, Catwoman, and The Riddler) team up against the dynamic duo, but their incessant laughing, nonsensical dastardly plans, and terrible, terrible plays on words cause us to wish Our Main Man was only pitted against King Tut (remember King Tut?). Highlights included an excellent musical score, the use of “Shark Repellent Bat Spray” (never leave home without it), and the birth of those wise, immortal words, “Sometimes you just can’t get rid of a bomb.”
Batman (1989)
Tim Burton’s Batman opened the world to the caped crusader with the darker twist, which was just becoming popularized in the comic book world thanks in large part to Frank Miller’s Dark Knight saga. Batman was dark, respected, and feared at long last. Vicki Vale (as batastically preformed by Kim Basinger) provided the romantic interest, which I don’t believe has ever occurred again in a major Batman story. Michael Keaton pulled off a suave Bruce Wayne/symbolically diabolical Batman, and I have friends who swear to this day that Jack Nicholson is their one and only Clown Prince of Crime (meanwhile, rumors are already circulating about a posthumous Oscar for Heath Ledger).
Batman Returns (1992)
This is probably my favorite of the original movie series. Danny DeVito’s take on The Penguin was truly something beyond words (though officially, I prefer the clean, pompous version of Oswald Cobblepot), and Christopher Walken, well, we’ve all had nightmares with Christopher Walken (insert shuddering emoticon). We got to see the people of Gotham against Batman, and the sacrifices He is willing to make to protect them. Perhaps even more electrifying was Michelle Pfieffer’s sultry Catwoman (meow!), a deep departure from the pointy bra adversary we were accustomed to back in 1966. I also get a bat-boner every time I see the batmobile break into three different pieces as the middle section rolls safely through an alleyway passage. Why haven’t we seen more of that shit? Five batarangs in my book.
Batman Forever (1995)
This is where things started to go a little downhill. The whole two-villains-at-once-routine seemed to work for Batman Returns, so two major actors were thrust into the roles of Two Face and The Riddler. The problem is, Two Face is such a strong character on his own, and you can’t make an amazing Two Face story without mentioning Harvey Dent’s friendship with Bruce Wayne. Add to that the inclusion of Robin, an unlikable Robin, and things start to get a little ugly. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I like my Robins young and nymph-like (insert creepy, lip-smacking emoticon).
Batman and Robin (1997)
Oy. Do we have to do this one? Aside from Uma and Ahnuld’s poor acting, a cheap introduction to Bane, a completely unnecessary romantic subplot, the use “bat skates,” and Batman having nipples on his costume, George Clooney actually portrays a fairly nice Batman. This could have been a great place for Robin to leave and become Nightwing, but alas, I was only eleven year old at the time and not eligible for a job at Warner Brothers. Also, I never really understood why it was called Batman and Robin when it introduces Batgirl.
Batman Begins (2005)
Where were you when it began? I, personally, was in a movie theater at the time, watching a new era unfold before my eyes. The Dark Knight was dark once more, nippleless and displaying a portion of his training under the immortal gaze of Ra’s Al Ghul. Friendships were forged, destinies were alluded to, and it never felt better to be a Batman fan. Until tomorrow.
