What Would Batman Do?

I’m twenty-two today, and honestly, not very excited about it.  After being able to legally get trashed and waste my money on crude video games that require absolutely no skill, there’s really nothing left to look forward to.  Sure, I can run for the House of Representatives when I’m twenty-five, Senate when I’m thirty, president when I’m thirty-five, and AARP when I’m fifty, but I’ll be old and wrinkly and girls won’t want to talk to me (insert crying emoticon).

But this isn’t supposed to be a depressing post.  This is supposed to be a post about Batman.  Because if there’s one thing The Holy One, Blessed Be He has taught me, it’s that even old guys can be really batass–I mean, badass.  Case in point, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns (not to mention The Dark Knight Strikes Again).  In this new New Testament, Batman is old, but able to kick even more ass than before.  It’s his many experiences and his utter lack of fear that drive him to attain even more.  The Dark Knight teaches us that for a man behind a mask, there’s no such thing as age (or arthritis).

With the release of LEGO Batman a mere two days, eight hours, thirty-four minutes, and fifteen seconds away, it behooves me to share with you yet another work of art by another unemployed disciple of The Doer of All Things Pure and Good.  This time, we marvel at the work of DaveDcDhol (whose real name happens to be “Dave Thomas”) as he takes us into the pulsing, beating heart of Gotham City.  LEGO Gotham City, that is.  For you see, this Tim Burton-inspired bat-film was produced entirely using LEGOs.  Except for the voices–I’m pretty sure he used humans for those.

It’s a little lengthy, so you may want to see it full-screen here.  Or just watch it here:

Don’t forget to vote in the poll!

This might be old now, but there’s a popular YouTube series out there, Hi, I’m a Marvel. . . and I’m a DC, that parodies those really stupid Mac commercials.  As you may have guessed, they feature Marvel and DC characters such as Superman, Spiderman, the Hulk–and most recently–Batman, and Iron Man.  The series really started with Superman and Spiderman arguing with each other and has eventually grown to include more and more characters.  Even Hellboy stops in to say hi.

They’re funny, yes, but they really focus too much on the characters’ respective films rather than on their histories from the actual comics.  With this in mind, we can enjoy the work of one “ItsJustSomeRandomGuy” to a point.  For your perusal:

The underlying message is clear: Don’t buy a Mac.

Gary Oldman, or as you may know him, Commissioner Gordon of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, can’t pull off a mustache and can’t keep a secret for the life of him. In a recent interview with MovieWeb , the actor–with seemingly little goading–spilled the beans that the Riddler would likely be featured in the next Batman film. Way to go, Gary. What are we supposed to speculate about now for the next three years?

He also mentioned that like Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal, the Joker could be played by another talented actor in a future movie (insert shameless plug for my poll). Interestingly, the article also claims that Oldman actually didn’t want to be in The Dark Knight, and the actor even indirectly says that he doesn’t want to be in a third movie. It’s okay, Gary. I’ll take your place (insert mustached emoticon).

Today is the fourth Monday of the month, when Mars lines up with Pluto, and the blue-billed ducks return from their perilous summer abroad. And you know what that means; it’s Art Appreciation Day at WWBD!

Today we examine a god among deviantARTists, one joshwmc, whose many photo alterations and computer illustrations (and other things I can’t come up with words for) truly demand that DC or Warner Bros. give him a top-paying job right now. His work is mostly of DC superheroes and he’s even made a few posters of villains for the next Batman movie (a topic I plan to discuss at length in an upcoming post). You can check out all his stuff here, but I’ll highlight a few of his masterpieces now if you’re still not convinced this guy deserves a spot next to Van Gogh.

Let’s begin with movie posters of Harley Quinn and Catwoman (right click and click “View Image” to see them full-sized).

Kick ass. Now how about some Supergirl, Wonder Woman, and Batgirl action?

What are you still doing here? Check out his shit now!

I think I like this template a little more than the other one. It’s darker, which is a must for any blog covering the Dark Knight, and has a more professional feel to it. You can also see any links I drop more clearly. I made a new header at the top, too. My only complaint right now is that this main column looks a lot narrower. Doesn’t it look really narrow?

Apparently, not everyone was as impressed with Superman Returns as I was. I think Brian Singer did a fantastic job bringing the same wonder and awe of the Man of Steel that we remember from the Christopher Reeves series and the Max Fleischer cartoons.

But The Wall Street Journal just posted an article about how Warner Brothers is doing fewer movies based on DC comics (nothing new) and how disappointed they were with the profits from Superman Returns. Warner Bros. Pictures Group President Jeff Robinov officially revealed that every fanboy’s wet dream of a Batman vs. Superman movie just isn’t going to happen anytime soon (insert genuinely frowning emoticon). He also dropped hints of a future Superman movie that would reintroduce the character as much darker (insert angry emoticon).

Screw you, Robinov! We don’t need a darker Superman. Sure, Big Blue has his share of problems, but coming to terms with seeing his parents gunned down in front of him isn’t one of them. And reintroducing the franchise? With a detailed back story? Unnecessary. For crying out loud, even my mom knows the origin of Superman. All you really need to do, Mr. Robinov, if that is your real name, is introduce a villain who isn’t Lex Luthor. It’s not that hard. Really. We have Darkseid, and Metallo, and Brainiac, and Bizarro Superman, and. . . hell. . . even Mr. Mxyzptlk could be interesting.

We’ll have to wait until next month when the studio shares it plans for upcoming films based on Batman and Superman, as well as (cross your fingers now) the Flash, Green Arrow, Green Lantern (yeah!), and Wonder Woman (wonderful!). Meanwhile, Universal has just started a film based on the wildly popular Marvel character Ant-Man.

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. I forgot to add it in my post yesterday , but here’s Maxwell Allen, the Batman of Hollywood Boulevard, beating the guano out of some guy with a mohawk.

This just goes to prove what I’ve always said: Spiderman’s a pussy who can’t even beat a punk rocker from 1983 (did you take a close look at his clothes?). You’ll notice Our Main Man has no trouble harassing this heinous evildoer. Even as a grateful citizen yells “That’s enough! The police are on their way, Batman!”, the Dark Knight is so determined in his never-ending quest to rid his city of foul-haired hooligans that he–

Okay, that’s as far as I can go. Even I‘m not taking this seriously anymore.

Batman was arrested! We go now to Jimmy Kimmel live with a detailed report of the incident:

I actually know this guy. Not personally, you see. I watched this movie a few weeks ago, Confessions of a Superhero , a documentary about the people who dress up like superheroes on Hollywood Boulevard and your mother warns you not to stare at. It was fairly interesting. That’s all I’ll say. But anyways, this guy who dresses up like Batman, Maxwell Allen, has some real anger issues; in the film, we see him open up about his shady past with shady characters (insert shady emoticon).

I did a little research on the guy and found this piece of gold on none other than Dave Barry’s blog , which may or may not be actually written by Dave Barry. After Dave pointed out an article about Elmo getting taken down by the man , one of the many comments included one from Batman himself. Or rather, Batman impersonator Maxwell Allen. Or perhaps a Maxwell Allen impersonator?

To All Who Read This…
This is THE BATMAN of Hollywood Blvd.

We are not that bad, over tips… I mean the guy will eventually walk again…Swish, Pow, Boom Bang!

Most of Us are really actors, this is just our waiter job in between sets.
It just really frustrating when someone comes up and they speak perfect english to You…they take the picture and when it comes to giving the tip…they all of sudden only speak French!!!
WE DISLIKE THE FRENCH…VERY MUCH!!! CHEAP HEATHENS!
Most of those suits are HOT!!! Mine cane reach 126.3!!! No Kidding!!!
So Please be kind and Tell ALL others also…….
These guys can be ruff, but WE ALL work so hard for the tourist and everyone!!!
Love & Happiness To ALL!
Bats & The Gang

To which one angry reader responded,

The Batman character who poses on Hollywood Boulevard, Maxwell Allen has been arrested so many times for harassing/threatening tourists and other innocent bystanders, I’m shocked the LAPD allows him to continue taking photos with all of your children! (This information can be verified through the Los Angeles County Recorders Office/Public Records.)

There should be a law passed that anyone who has a record, be banned from dressing up and throwing their arms around unsuspecting children!

This is sick.

To which one angry Batman responded,

This is The Batman of Hollywood Blvd.

Whoever the Clown was that wrote, that I have been arrested so many times for going after the tourist; is a complete “Rumour Starting” Moron!!! Don’t make comments that You have no clue about you brainless twit!
I have been arrested, this is true, but because I was beating bad men in My neighborhood, protecting the tourist, not hurting them! Clownboy!
I have two counts of terrorist threats: I told them I would beat them up. They needed it!
One on Superman, for stabbing me in the back!
One on a crack dealing addict that kept selling it to the Highschool kids…I don’t like that! Especially when he dresses like Batman to do it!!!
The others are minor offensives: like forgetting to pay a court bill, going in the mall while dressed as Batman, they called it Trespassing! Fighting in public against gangbangers, but they dropped it since I was outnumbered 4 to 1.
Yea, real hardend crimminals here! Knucklehead!
Shut-up you pansy!
All the characters(who have grade AAA costumes) work very hard for everyone and are there for All…but simple respect is ALL we ask!
With Batman, believe what you see in the suit!
Martial Atrs, Special Forces trained, Weapons, Firearms, Anti-terrorist tactics.
Security Guard, Patrol Leader and Self-Defense Trainer for the Guardian Angels! Shall I continue?!
Don’t tell ME….I am not there for the Tourist!
You have absolutely NO CLUE, YOU TWIT!

Super. Now everyone do something productive.

Because all “professional bloggers” are starving artists, I thought I’d share a cute and simple poem with you by Sharon P. on Gather.com. There’s plenty of artsy bat-stuff out there, so this sort of thing may become a regular addition to WWBD depending on the feedback this post gets. Now put on your black turtleneck and grab a cappuccino. Here’s Sharon’s “Super Heroes .”

Super Heroes

Old lady halts in dismay
Young man in a hood steals her purse and runs away.

Whoosh! Thud! What’s that noise?
Her purse gets returned, as the hero saves the day with great poise.

The people are down, face to the floor.
A swoosh - flash, the hero is there once more.

Sign in the sky, what’s this we spy?
It’s Batman and Robin saving some citizen swing down from high.

The whiz snap of a batarang.
Swishing cape gives us a pang.

Of nostalgia for heroes so strong.
Whats that in the sky flying along?

It’s not a bird, nor a plane.
It’s Superman out to halt pain.

Outracing bullets to save lives.
In his bare hands, the Man of Steel catches knives.

Thud! Boom! Crash!
Here comes the Hulk to smash.

Big, green and brutal
He’s a powerhouse and not small.

Mindless rage hammering away.
Yet, he usually saves the day.

So fast you barely see him.
A flash of red passes by to skim

the gun from a bully bandit
or knife from a gangland hit.

Just another Superhero at play.
If only out of movies and comics they’d stray.

But then, their villains would be here too.
And we all know what they would do.

Now everyone snap.