What Would Batman Do?

There aren’t any theaters near me that are playing The Dark Knight anymore (insert sobbing emoticon), so we can finally discuss our plans for the undeniable sequel.

Batman: Battlelines (tentative title) will feature not only Mark Hammil as the Joker , Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter , and Megan Fox as Catwoman , but also the oft-forgotten villainy of the Riddler, the Penguin, Bane, Harley Quinn, and of course, Two Face.  Stay with me here.

Christopher Nolan has already beautifully shown that he has no intention of following the same formula of the last Batman movie series; villains don’t simply have a single stint in Nolan’s world, they evolve (see: Scarecrow).  And when we last left Gotham City , it was apparent that things were getting out of hand.  The costumed criminals were on the rise and the lines between “good” and “evil,” “sane” and “insane,” were visibly blurred.

In the next cinematic ode to The Knight Who Happens to Be Dark, we will no doubt see The Detective facing a myriad of new psychopathic criminals.  Instead of focusing on the backstories of each unique villain, Batman: City on Fire will once more explore the mind of Bruce Wayne as He struggles to discern if His alter-ego is on the right side of the law.  An unnerving attraction to the feline female, Selina Kyle, will be mirrored in the actions of the Joker and his former psychiatrist, Dr. Harleen Quinzel (I’m thinking Mary-Kate Olsen).

I take Nolan on his word that there won’t be a Robin , but I know the bat-impostors from the beginning of The Dark Knight will be recruited by The Doer of All Things Pure and Good to aid Him in the all-encompassing war of Gotham City (see: Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns).

Whew.  Now, that all made perfect sense, didn’t it?

Somebody get me a job at Warner Brothers.

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