The other night, while I was deliberately not watching Batman and Robin on “Sometimes We’ll Play a” Cartoon Network, I came across gold. Steve Oedekerk , who you may know from Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (and to a lesser extent, Barnyard and Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius), wrote, directed, and starred in the 2001 classic Bat Thumb.
Bat Thumb parodies the story of Tim Burton’s original Batman movie while throwing in plenty of homages to the 1960s TV show. You have twenty-eight minutes to spare, right?
Batastic. Oedekerk has a whole series of Thumbs! movies, which include parodies of Star Wars, Frankenstein, and Titanic. He also looks exactly like Kevin Nealon. Go here , buy the entire Thumbs! collection, then let me borrow it.
You might remember last week when I shared some videos about the Dynamic Duo’s dynamically dirty mouths during their adventures on Super Friends. Of course you remember. Well, I came across a blog that specializes in making sorta-motivational posters, and had a few laughs at Sorta-Motivational Poster ’s Super Friends-inspired sorta-motivational posters.
There’s a whole series of these you can check out here ; I’ve just chosen to share my favorities (i.e., your favorites). The author, “Daniel,” also has a nice collection of RPG-inspired sorta-motivational posters.
Grant Morrison’s hotly debated Batman R.I.P. storyline has concluded, as the title suggests, with Batman resting in peace (if you count plunging into an exploding helicopter as peaceful).
But before you insert your suicidal emoticons, keep in mind that “death” in the DC universe doesn’t exactly mean someone’s dead. Superman’s heart stopped beating when he fought a mute wrestler, Green Lantern sacrificed himself to power up the sun somehow, the Flash crinkled up into nothingness when he went over 88 miles per hour in his DeLorean, and they’re all on the Justice League roster today. Bottom line, we’re all expecting Our Main Man to return in a drawn out, profitable manner .
Here’s how it will go down: Nightwing, Robin, Huntress, and even Commissioner Gordon will all don the symbolic cape and cowl to become the next Batman (and they are all deserving of it). We’ll quickly forget this is the same formula DC used with Superman. But if they really want us to entertain the idea that He’s really gone, they’ll keep Him dead for a lot longer. Say, five years or so. Any plot holes can instantly be blamed on Clayface clones and a Lazarus Pit.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m probably buying the trade paperback version of Batman R.I.P. when it’s available, and I’ll undoubtedly cry like a French baby, but I’m putting fifty bucks on the fact that Bruce Wayne will be celebrating Easter in November.
Happy Thanksgiving from all of us (insert two emoticons) here at What Would Batman Do? For our international and mind-bogglingly ignorant readers, Thanksgiving is the day all Americans join together to celebrate the brief peace early European settlers had with Native Americans before they slaughtered and raped their woman and children, stole their land, and purposefully infected them with smallpox and drug addictions.
But enough about that. Did you know Thanksgiving is also closely associated with the nationwide genocide of turkeys? And did you know that on this day of opulent feasting, there is not a turkey in Batman, but actually a Batman in Turkey? It’s true. Take a look:
Now, my Turkish is a little rusty, but this map basically says that Batman lies on the Batman River and is the capital of Batman Province (which is in the Kurdish southeast region of Turkey — as if you didn’t know).
Batman’s biggest claim to fame is oil and the fact that the mayor of Batman, Hüseyin Kalkan, is currently trying to sue Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros. for stealing their name (insert emoticon with milk snorting out nose). Kalkan also blames The Dark Knight for “a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact that the film’s success has had on the city’s inhabitants.”
And now you have something to talk about to your recently remarried aunt from Tucson.
Because it’s time for another Art Appreciation Day!
Today we admire the work of Carlos Valenzuela, or Valzonlineas he’s known on deviantART. Valenzuela has a real knack for, uhh. . . acrylics and watercolor maybe? I don’t know, but he likes DC and Marvel characters, and we’re all going to ooh and aah at his pretty pictures. (Right click and click “View Image” to see them full-sized).
In our first piece, we see Batman doesn’t like getting captured, the Joker doesn’t like Batman, Harley Quinn doesn’t like her love’s attention focused on someone else, and Poison Ivy doesn’t like costumes that cover her ass.
The Doer of All Things Pure and Good is later rescued by a woman of wonder and a man who happens to be super.
Next, we get a insightful glimpse at what happens when Wolverine makes Dr. Banner angry. I’m guessing it was a cheap crack about the purple shorts.
Now this is fantastic. How does the Invisible Woman always manage to look hotter than her brother?
I ran out of corny things to say.
Star Wars!
You can check out Valenzuela’s deviantART gallery here or his official blog here . Here ’s a video of a cat playing a piano.
Maybe it’s because my expectations are incredibly low now, but last night’s episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold was actually pretty okay. Plastic Man was entertaining and managed to make me chuckle a few times (insert chuckling emoticon), and Gorilla Grodd was portrayed almost perfectly.
I guess I’m just sick of the series that rely on the characters’ first meetings and their individual origins . I have a lot of respect for The Brave and the Bold for just going headfirst into stories about talking gorillas determined to use their dinosaurs and evolution-accelerating ray guns to turn all humans into similar talking gorillas. It’s a brave and bold move.
Cartoon Network is also playing Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker tonight, so be sure to catch that. I’m not forcing you or anything.
Alright, let’s talk about Batman. What’s going on with Batman. . . . umm. . . . we already talked about The Brave and the Bold . . . and Robin’s dead . . .
Oh! I know! You ever notice how when you have a frozen water bottle and it melts a little, it looks like something Mr. Freeze might shit? Hey, I don’t see you coming up with anything better.
As bad as Batman: The Brave and the Bold may be, it’s still far more interesting than the old Superfriends cartoon. Thankfully, the guys at Adult Swim found a way to liven it up a bit.
In the following scene, Batman and Robin follow Solomon Grundy and Gorilla Grodd to ancient Rome, but when the **** hits the fan, the Dynamic Duo isn’t afraid to tell it like it is.
Later, the Caped Crusaders find themselves stranded in a ******* swamp. Will they find the ******** responsible and show those **** suckers why they’re called “The ***** Team of ******* **** and Unrefined ***** ******* **** Jugglers”?
Tell me this isn’t he funniest **** you’ve seen all day.
The animation was decent. There was also a clear nod to one of the Internet’s most popular bat-blogs as Blue Beetle pondered while in uncaptivating captivity, “What would Batman do?”
It could have been a lot worse. May I present Exhibit A:
So, Batman: The Brave and the Bold didn’t suck balls, which means I’ll have to watch it until it gets canceled next month.
