What Would Batman Do?

In case you haven’t heard, times are tough .  Like, really tough .  And I don’t have to tell you how hard this Greater Depression affects Gotham City .  But I will anyway.

Behold the comical and disheartening exploits of Poor Batman (courtesy of MADtv ):

And if you’re still not done learning about how we’re all screwed — I mean, deciding whether to sell your computer or your kidneys — I mean, giving a BJ to that homeless man in the construction site in exchange for a coupon to Del Taco — be sure to check out The Armchair Anarchist , a brand new Today.com blog written by Thomas Wayne.  I mean, my father.

Here’s something you’ll love.  You love hearing about Batman fan films, right?  Reticom Films, a small, independent film company, made a short movie based on Frank Miller’s essential The Dark Knight Returns.

The CGI animation of Blood and Mud isn’t exactly on par with, say, Toy Story 2, and the voice acting is about as discernible as Sylvester Stallone on tranquilizers (the actors are all Brazilian, I believe), but this is definitely an impressive piece of art that requires every bat-fanatic’s honest critique.

You can watch the film in two parts below, though I recommend going to Reticom Film’s official website to view it in the best quality. Special thanks to Tommy over at Bat-Blog for pointing this one out.

“This isn’t a mudhole. . . It’s an operating table.  And I’m the surgeon.”

How kick ass is that?

Good news, bat-stalkers.  According to The Courier Post , Michael Uslan, the producer of every Batman film since Tim Burton’s 1989 masterpiece, has let slip that the Holy One will be featured in His next Titanic-sinking film in 2011.

Which means we can see the first teaser trailer sometime in 2012.

Which means we can finally see Batman Begins 3 in 2014.

This is good news.  This shows that Warner Brothers is committed to making a batastic bat-film as soon as possible (as soon as possible for Warner Brothers).  But we can also see that there are some very talented and passionate people high up there, dedicated to making the Dark Knight a well-respected demigod throughout cinema history.

I highly suggest you read the article , as it provides a charming vignette as to what promises may await any little self-motivated nerd out there.  Michael Uslan appears to be one of us, so much so that we can almost forgive him for letting Batman and Robin slip under his radar.  Almost.

Also, vote .

The poll is rolling right along, but the results so far are a little disheartening for every Kristin Kreuk fanboy out there.  Out of the six ballots cast, Wolverine has a healthy lead of five, Chun-Li one.

So we’re going to try to even the odds here and make this more of a contest.  I’m not trying to sway you to vote for the agile and beautiful Chinese killing-machine.  I’m just making sure that you’re properly informed as to what Chun-Li is capable of.  Exhibit A: She’s got moves that make Jackie Chan blush.

Now vote for whoever you want to (insert subliminal Chun-Li emoticon).

The much awaited poll is now up.  This time you must ponder yet another complex question of unimaginable consequences ; if either Chun-Li, the Street Fighter goddess, or Wolverine, the ragin’ Canuck, crossed the space-time continuum (a la Darth Vader and Yoda in Soul Calibur IV ) and were forced to fight each other to the death in an epic battle with music composed by John Williams, who would come out on top?

Both of our combatants have their individual films coming out soon, and so now is the perfect time to finally answer that age-old question, a question we will all be asking ourselves in 2009 — Wolverine or Chun-Li ?

You tell me.

Vote now.

I finally have my own Internet service up and running, so now you can enjoy the uninterrupted exploits of WWBD daily.  Clap louder!

We’ll celebrate this historic moment by setting up a new poll sometime today, since everyone loves those .  Stay tuned.

You may remember my previous posts about the Batman of Hollywood Boulevard, Maxwell Allen , who was arrested for using a porta-potty and beating up Rufio from Hook .  This doesn’t involve Allen directly, but boy, am I good at using SEO. . .

The latest Batman man to be unjustly punished by those He has vowed to protect is one Walsh Nichols.  As Tampa Bay Online reports, Walsh was innocently enjoying some sushi on a curb in his batattire when two police officers (obviously on the payroll of the Penguin) demanded that he unmask himself and reveal his super secret identity.  When he refused, the dirty cops arrested him for breaking a fifty-eight year old law that prohibits all Floridians over the age of sixteen from wearing masks.

And if that doesn’t make you feel helplessly flustered, get this:  They didn’t let him finish his sushi.

Get ready to become infuriated (insert infuriated emoticon).  Despite a valiant attempt by Warner Bros. to get The Dark Knight nominated for best picture and best director (your grandchildren will be taking college courses based around the films of Christopher Nolan), the so-called Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has refused to nominate the greatest film of 2008 for these categories.

Granted, The Dark Knight has been nominated for best supporting actor (and if Heath Ledger loses it to Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, there will be blood), best cinematography, best art direction, best film editing, best makeup, best sound editing, best sound mixing, best visual effects, and best underwater basket weaving.  But Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale won’t be leaving with any golden action figures, and for that, I’m calling for an immediate boycott of the Oscars.  You weren’t going to watch it anyway.

Don’t turn on your TVs on February 22nd, tell your friends not to turn on their TVs, and instead, go here and write an angry letter to those snooty film critics with their fifty page screenplays of movies they’ve been working on since community college.  Even better, watch The Dark Knight all knight long (you bought both the full screen and widescreen versions already, right?) and memorize the entire screenplay to recite at your next fancy cocktail party.

It is Marvel Week , but it is also a blog about Batman .  How can we balance the two opposing interests out?  Battle Royale!  Batman versus everyone!

Today we get to answer a question that has plagued mankind for centuries, a quandary built into our very beings, a single, wandering thought that causes us to lay awake at night, counting down the seconds until the next sunrise, when we finally have an excuse to do something, anything else but ponder this innocent, eternal question.  What would happen if Batman crossed into the Marvel universe and decided to fight everyone?

Today, my friends, as we gather together on this most historic Art Appreciation Day , today we can finally rest.

In our first piece, the Dark Knight is getting ready to bust a Cap, but first he has to remind you to vote. Courtesy of johjames .

Things really start to heat up in Hell’s Kitchen when Batman dances with the Daredevil in the pale moonlight.  Thanks to kandoken .

Later on, the Doer of All Things Pure and Good runs into none other than an adamantiumless Wolverine.  ZurdoM is responsible for this one.

Hulk smash puny bat human!  Or so says hugbees .

Misterzubair lets us know there can only be one billionaire/playboy/philanthropist/superhero.

That’s all.  Go home.

It’s Wolverine Day during Marvel Week at the Batman blog .  Besides being featured in the upcoming Wolverine and X-Men on Nickelodeon, everyone’s favorite Canadian will also star in Hulk Vs , a direct-to-video video that shows the Hulk taking on both Wolverine, in all his yellow spandex greatness, and the mighty god of mediocre comics, Thor.

Don’t be embarrassed about not caring for Thor.  No one does.   You can just watch the first half of Hulk Vs and no one will blame you.  But be prepared when, on January 27, 2009, Hulk smash!  Trailer:

There’s also this exclusive new trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine .  You won’t find this super secret preview on any other temporary Marvel web log: