What Would Batman Do?

Well, here we are. I am now sitting in Gate B47 of Denver International Airport, preparing for my twenty-seven months of service in Bulgaria and trying my best to come up with something witty, thought-provoking, and heartfelt for the three people I believe read the online experiment known as What Would Batman Do? I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

Ha. Someone just tried to page “Hugh Jass” over the loudspeaker. Oh, devious American middle school students, I think I’ll miss you most of all.

To everyone who’s read WWBD within the past eleven months, thank you. To everyone who’s come here looking for free porn involving Miss California Carrie Prejean and Megan Fox dressed up as Catwoman , you missed one hell of a ride.

I created What Would Batman Do? back in July last year for two reasons — to make a couple bucks by preying on the prepubescent fantasies of our nation’s vast supply of nerds and to force myself to keep writing even when out of a school setting. I had no idea I’d actually be recognized for my work and even make some new friends .

As we’ve laughed and cried together throughout the many years (one year), you’ve all helped to teach me about the nature of blogging, the vast power available in social media, and most important of all, what Batman would do.

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

(insert crying emoticon)

You can uncross your fingers now, WWBD’s very last poll is now over.  After two weeksish, with a total of twenty-seven votes, Elisha Cuthbert is…

Emma Frost!

No, I’m screwing with you.  You already read the title of this post anyways.  Harley Quinn came out on top with 33% (nine votes).  Batgirl was just one vote shy of this, ending up with 30%.  Poison Ivy is still green in these polls, earning 19% (five votes).  Catwoman scored four votes (15%), and the most underrated, highly rated Gotham girl, Huntress , recieved one vote (4%).

Where’s that Elisha Quinn picture?

Yeesh!

Let’s try another one.  Where’s Harley Cuthbert?

Yeah, that’s better.

And speaking of beautiful women who kill for psychotic killer clowns, I’m leaving for Bulgaria on Saturday.  I guess that doesn’t really have a lot to do with Harley Quinn.  But in the event that I don’t have any time tomorrow to blog, these may be my last words for What Would Batman Do?

Penis.

Forget Adam West , we’re going to have to celebrate a Burt Ward Day here as soon as I can find more clips like this in much better quality.

Remember to brush your teeth, kids, so that you too can learn to use your mouth to catch things Batman throws at you .

And speaking of exceptional dental hygiene, you have just seven hours left to vote in the current bat-poll .  There are 24 votes in 24 star Elisha Cuthbert’s poll.  Batgirl and Harley Quinn are still neck and neck, but who’s that I see approaching in the distance?  Poison Ivy?  Things are about to get hot.

It’s Adam West Day at WWBD.  I haven’t mentioned Adam West and the Light Dark Knight in quite a while , but I finally found some relevant videos to celebrate the occasion.

First off, the guys at College Humor , who seem to really enjoy making fun of the Holy One, Blessed Be He lately , show us what The Dark Knight would look like in 1966.  It’s surprisingly a lot like 2008, except there’s a lot more bat-boogies.

And finally, via Funny or Die , the real Adam West reveals how even the real Batman can fall for Major Madoff’s cowardly trickery.  Holy successful garage sale, Batman!

It also appears that Batgirl and Harley Quinn have reached a standstill in their never-ending battle to gain the affection of Elisha Cuthbert ; the current score is eight to eight in our poll.  Will Batgirl escape in time or will Dr. Quinn have the last laugh?  Find out in the next exciting post — “Cuckoo for Cuthbert!”

Well, so much for the two-posts-a-day plan .  What I’ve really been busy with is EA’s “Save Yuriko” contest, which ends today.

As you already know, I’m completely infatuated with the video game Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 , and like any other otaku I’m forced to prefer the Japanese schoolgirl psychotic psychic commando Yuriko Omega over the lovely Jenny McCarthy and wrestle-worthy Gina Carano.  In EA’s latest marketing ploy, Red Alert 3 fans are being asked to submit their ideas for a new psychic power for Yuriko to wield over her capitalist pig captors.

And in exchange for doing the job of Electronic Arts’ creative team, we can win some computer speakers and a T-shirt (insert suspicious emoticon).  Here are the submissions from yours truly, which you all have to vote on next week, via the Red Alert 3 website:

“Mega Yuriko Omega”

Yuriko grows 100 feet in size and is able to crush her foes beneath her and tear them limb from limb.  Also, she can breathe fire.

“Super Mammoth Tank Army Attack”

Yuriko transforms three enemy units (and after upgrades, four and five units) into friendly Mammoth Tank units.  Yatta!

So, what do you think?  I’m a shoe-in, right?

This two posts a day scam is starting to catch up with me.  Granted, I have seen a nice boost in traffic ever since I started doing it at the beginning of the month (it seems so long ago now); WWBD is, as of right now, number seven in traffic among Today.com blogs.  This can be attributed either to posting more than once a day, or there really is a genuinely high demand for seeing the Shawshank Redemption parodied by claymation figures among internet users.

I’d like to reach the number one spot at least once before I’m voluntarily exiled to the People’s Republic of Bulgaria (hint, hint).  Have you told your friends how much you love What Would Batman Do? yet (hint, hint)?  Are you currently subscribed to the RSS feed (hint, hint)?

But the really important part of this unimportant post is to remind you that I’m closing the poll this coming Wednesday.  Batgirl is still leading the pack, but her lead has shrunk exponentially.  And by exponentially, I mean by one vote.  Will your vote be the one that sees Harley Quinn victorious five days from now?

Image courtesy of borogove13.

And speaking of Brian Austin Green, guess who’s single again?  Green, the possible lead in Green Lantern, and Megan Fox, the hottest woman of the second millenium, broke up yesterday (insert Twitter stalker emoticon), which means you can all start putting in a good word for me today.

Oh, you know what would be really awkward?  A Justice League movie starring Brian Austin Green as Green Lantern and. . .

Big news today, Green Lantern fans — and by “big,” I mean “somewhat noteworthy,” and by “Green Lantern fans,” I mean “you, there, in the green shirt.”  According to the MTV Splash Page , the Green Lantern movie has been pushed back from December 2010 to June 17, 2011, the exact date Marvel’s Thor movie is supposed to be released.

This is all a bunch of nothing right now, if you ask me.  Determining the release date of Green Lantern is like determining when the world is going to come to an end — no matter how specific of a date you get, the world’s still not going to come to an end.  Boy, that metaphor seemed a lot clearer in my head.

But apparently this release date change is all your fault for not seeing The Spirit and Punisher: War Zone when they were in theaters this past December.  Which begs the question, “Punisher: War Zone was released in theaters?”

And speaking of Green Lantern, these casting rumors are getting out of control.  So far, Chris Pine, Sam Worthington, Sam Witwer, Bradley Cooper, Shawn Roberts, and Brian Austin Green have all been mentioned as possible Hal Jordans.

Am I the only one who can just recognize half of those names?  This almost isn’t fun anymore.

The Source has new shots up of the Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely’s Batman & Robin series coming in June.  I kinda like this artwork.  It’s very retro-post-modern-Warhol-esque, the kind of madness you need in a world without Batman. 

Thoughts?

A while ago, I shared the trailer for an extensive bat-fan-film, Batman: Forsaken , which pretty much looked like a bunch of cosplayers and drama majors putting their favorite Batman characters together in unrealistic situations for an hour and a half.  I felt it was time for an update on the little film with a whole lot of hope, only to find that the last update to the Gotham Public Works site was nine months ago, the last time I actually mentioned the project .

So, I might have jinxed the whole thing.  My bad.

But if Batman: Forsaken does get revived (crazier things have happened), here’s what you can expect to see: 

Oh, wait.  That’s actually Family Research Council spokeswoman Carrie Prejean, pre-jeans.  How did that get in there?

UPDATE: I’ve been forced to remove the relevant picture of Miss California Carrie Prejean to comply with Today.com’s terms of service.  If you’re still curious and have no moral fiber, be sure to check out all the dirt at theDirty.com .